Fat is NOT a dirty word

As a female growing up in a very looks dominated culture, the thought of not being good enough due to my body shape and size had always plagued me. I remeber being in Elementary school the first time I heard my peers talking about their bodies and how much they weigh, and I remeber desperately trying to look like I was doing something else so I would not get pulled into the conversation becasue by that point I already existed in a larger body than my peers. I remember watching the video recording on my dads camcorder of my little sisters 4th birthday party and hearing someone talk about me and my size 16 shorts. I'm sure I was around 12 or 13. I remember going to the doctor for excrutianing pain in my stomach. I eventually learned it was from galstones. However, before I learned this information the Dr. doing the ultrasound of my stomach shook his head and said "tsk tsk, someone sure does love to eat a lot of McDonald's. I remember when I went to the doctor for losing my period at 19 years old they told me to lose weight and it would come back. So I did. And it didn't come back. And in fact not until I was 33 and trying to have children did I receive a formal diagnosis for my loss of period. POI - Premature Ovarian Insuffuency. I remeber the shocking realization that had I know this at 19, perhaps I could have done a procedure to save the few eggs I had left. Instead, by 33 I was eggless and enduring the painful experience of infertility.

I've heard it said that pain can motivate us. Throughout my life, I have had a mission to shout from the rooftops that every body deserves to show up exactly as who they are. Every body deserves proper medical care regardless of the size. Bodies can be large, thin, short, tall, brown, white, and EVERYTHING in between. Bodies get to exist. We get to exist.

My hope is that as I support folx with eating disorder and body image issues; sure footedness, heightened ego strength, and stronger self-esteem are gained for anyone who walks into my office.

Guess what?

You deserve to show up and show out. You deserve to take up space, and NO! You are NOT too much! You deserve to be seen and heard and listened to, and loved, and respected, and cared for, and validated, and hired, and promoted, and celebrated, and to go places, and to stay home, and to eat cake, and to be picked first, and to ride roller coasters and airplanes, and to have your medical questions taken seriously, and to not be weighed, and to not be talked about or laugehd at, and to wear WHATEVER you want, and to get your funky glasses and cool ass accessories, and to have friendships and romantic relationships and babies if you want to, and to inhale in your peace and exhale out anything and everything that says that you don't deserve any of this.

You are not dirty, or gross, or terrible, or embarrassing, or bad, or disgusting, or the DUFF (I remember learning this term on The Bachelor probably 20 years ago and being so disgusted), or lazy, or unmotivated, or irresponsible, or disgraceful.

You are you, and that is enough.

FAT IS NOT A DIRTY WORD.

"And I said to my body, softly,

"I want to be your friend. It took a long breath and replied,

"I've been waiting my whole life for this.""

-Nayyirah Waheed